


Buffy The Boyband Slayer

by melanie1982



Category: Backstreet Boys, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, NSYNC, New Kids On The Block
Genre: AU, Crossover, F/M, Fiction, M/M, Silly, Slash, Snark, idon'townthesecharacters, ridic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-13
Updated: 2017-02-08
Packaged: 2018-06-08 04:32:38
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,292
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6839203
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/melanie1982/pseuds/melanie1982
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Into each generation, a slayer is born...</p><p>With my deepest apologies to Joss Whedon and, well, everyone in this story, lol</p><p>This story is fiction.</p><p>I don't own these characters/know these people in real life.</p><p>I make no money from this story.</p><p>Disregards BtVS canon. The personalities of the characters are (I hope) similar, but that's about where it ends.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Buffy was still getting to grips with her calling as a slayer. After that whole emotional mess with Angel, the last thing she wanted to do was hang around a bunch of guys - but the universe had other ideas. 

"I'm called to WHAT?"

Giles sighed. He was having a hard time coming up with the right words; Buffy's schoolgirl outfit from Cliches R Us wasn't helping matters. "Yes. I've checked the ancient lore, and I'm afraid it's true. This only occurs once every ten generations, but, according to the charts, this is that time. In a sense, it sets you apart from the others - it, it makes you unique, Buffy."

Suddenly, Buffy was tired of being unique. "And if I refuse? Then what? Will another slayer take my place?"

"Buffy, it's a delicate balance - the balance between destiny and free will. Vampires are becoming more powerful; some are able to go out in daylight, to live among humans virtually undetected. Something about .. sparkling, and eating cows.." He shuddered. "At any rate, the threat is spreading. If I'm translating the documents correctly, there are currently ten vampires masquerading as.."

Buffy's eyes narrowed. "Say it, Giles. I want you to spell it out for me. This won't seem real unless you say it."

Giles winced. "Boybanders."

Buffy closed her eyes, summoning inner strength. Not rock stars; not even rappers. Oh no. Not for her. BOYBANDERS.

Faith bounced in, interrupting in that charmingly slutty way only she could. "Did somebody say boybanders? You finally flying the 'camp' flag, Giles?" She gave him a mock-congratulatory pat on the back, knocking the wind out of him.

"Faith, this really isn't a good time - "

"Well, sure it is." She made herself right at home, propping her muddy combat boots on Giles' priceless texts. "It's always a good time to have a little Faith." She smiled at her own joke, then added, "Just ask Xander. And Bobby, and Billy, and Joe, and Tom, and even Sus - "

"We get it, Faith. Just.. yeah." Buffy was always at war with herself over her sexuality, and Faith was like a mirror, showing her who she could be, the parts of her she chose to fight or ignore.

"Well, anything to do with hot guys thrusting on stage in tight pants, I'm in. Who knows? Maybe some of them will be straight. I mean, gotta be at least one in every group, right?"

"I don't think that will be necessary. Will it, Buffy?"

"Yeah, Buffsters, are you in, or are you.. out?" Faith adjusted her black leather halter-top, and Buffy wasn't sure whether she was blushing on behalf of Faith, who had no shame, or for another reason entirely. 

One involving subjects addressed by Russian pop-girls in school uniforms.

"I'll do it. I mean, I can't leave the fate of millions of horny teenage girls in FAITH'S hands, can I?"

Xander, Oz and Willow, enter stage left. "Did somebody say 'horny teenage girls'?"

Giles needed an aspirin. Maybe a drink. He released his pinching grip from the bridge of his nose, looking at each member of his unlikely crew in turn.

And definitely a cold shower.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------


	2. The Mystery Machine

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things get sillier

Giles had had to explain it all again for the rest of the gang. Then came the questions.

"So, like, do we get to form a boy-girl super-group? I call drummer!"

"Ooh, gutsy, Xander. Will you be portraying one of the boys, or one of the girls?," Faith teased.

"I could be the quiet one. There's always a quiet one in a band, right?," Willow asked, wavering in her certainty of that fact before she'd finished speaking.

"What should we call ourselves?," Buffy wondered, trying to be practical.

Faith rolled her eyes. "Pfft. Who cares? What I wanna know is, do we get one of those pimped-out tour buses? You know, with a hot tub, and a stripper pole - "

"Trust YOU to want a pole on a bus." Oz had to chime in with snark at least once every ten minutes. It was, like, compulsory. Like breathing.

"We could call it The Mystery Machine!," Xander added. "I mean, we refer to ourselves as the Scoobies, so we could - "

"Children, children, it won't be necessary to pose as musicians for this. In fact, it would be better if you kept a low profile. I propose that you obtain tickets to some of the shows, and, and access the artists that way. You'll have to get up close to discern which ones are human and which ones are pretenders."

Everyone looked at Giles. "I can't possibly fund that sort of.. activity. I'm a respected, middle-aged member of the academic community; I.."

Faith cleared her throat. "I can get us tickets."

Buffy turned to her, staring. "YOU can get us tickets."

"Aw, FayFay, you don't have to dip into your hooker fund for us," Oz oozed.

"Ha ha. As it happens, I may know a roadie or two for the band."

"WHICH band?" Xander seemed genuinely interested. 

For once, Faith felt a twinge of embarrassment. Not because she felt cheap; no - more because she was having to admit to liking pop music. "Um, all of them?"

Willow's face matched her hair as mental images of Faith hanging out with 'all of them' flooded her mind. What WAS it with her and random thoughts of chicks lately? They were becoming so common, they almost weren't, well, random.

"So what'd you do to - I mean, what do you have to do to get tickets?"

Faith felt a bloom of pride, knowing she had at least a few skills Buffy didn't. "I'll ask nicely."

"'Nicely'?" Xander was skeptical.

"Nicely. And a couple of titty pics won't hurt," she added, scrolling through her phone before sending the necessary texts.

Giles went to get his aspirin.  
\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


	3. Staking The Band

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang does some online recon of the boybands, trying to find clues about which guys are the most likely candidates for getting staked

"So, why are we spending hours looking at guys on the internet? I mean, what if, you know, a Spice Girl is a vamp, or something?"

"A Spice Girl, Xander? Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, Baby Spice? Eternal youth? Hello?"

Buffy rolled her eyes. "Well, if any of the New Kids is a vamp, they must've turned recently. Check out these 'then and now' pics side by side."

A collective "oooh" rippled through the assembled allies.

"I like Jordan. No, wait - Jon. No, Jordan. No; I like - "

"It's okay, Willow. You can like both - at the same time." Faith's breath was waaaay too close to Willow's ear. Not that it felt good or anything. Just, you know, tickly.

Buffy found she was biting her lip and letting the mouse linger a little too long on a solo shot of Joey. "Uh, earth to B?" Faith gave her a knowing smile.

"Yeah. Sorry. Just being thorough."

"I don't think you can spot a vamp by the size of his bulge, Buffy," Oz quipped. 

Don't be too sure, she thought, her mind drifting back to Spike.

As if summoned by her dark imaginings, the bleached one invited himself in.

"Hell-o. What's all this? Human anatomy homework? Am I in time to see you all get starkers?"

Xander frowned. "'Starkers' meaning crazy, stark-raving mad?"

"No, starkers as in.. naked," Willow said, watching the screen as Backstreet Boy photos took over.

'The Backstreet Boys' has a reference to streets in the name. 'New Kids On The Block' has 'block' in the name. What the hell does NSYNC mean? Does it stand for something?" Oz was trying to get cerebral. Trying.

Faith smiled, clearly coming up with inappropriate acronyms for NSYNC. "Don't," Buffy warned her; "We're having enough trouble getting them to focus as it is."

Spike was enjoying himself. "If you want photos of a bleach-blonde sex god, I've got them in spades. Or, if you ask nicely, I could pose for new ones."

Willow hid her face inside the neck of her sweater.

"Bet you can't sing, though," Xander jibed.

"Bet I could make YOU sing. Falsetto." He licked his lips, and Xander wanted to join Willow, hiding in her sweater. Actually, that wasn't a bad idea at other times, either. But Oz..

"It's not about the singing, luv. It's about the illusion. The persona. The fantasy."

"You a pop connoisseur, Spike?," Drusilla spat from several paces behind them.

"Great. Speaking of stark-raving mad..," Oz began.

"Spikey, you'll take me to the pop shows, won't you?" She wound her fingers through that platinum hair, and Buffy's insides curdled.

"Of course, dear. Whatever you wish."

"Speaking of illusions and fantasies," Willow whispered to Oz, referring to Drusilla's 'love' for her man.

"Now all we need is - "

"Cordelia!"

Her heels click-clacked over to the nearest seat - which happened to be Xander's lap. Willow wondered why that bugged her.

"Sooo, has anyone, you know, listened to the music or read the lyrics looking for clues?"

"Uh oh. She's come up with an actual valid point. Why didn't anyone else think of that?" Spike was enjoying the gang's disorganization and cluelessness.

"Oh. Music. Yeah." Willow fidgeted, nervous for reasons she couldn't explain.

The gang pulled up discographies for each of the three groups, scanning the song titles for clues.

"Okay, how's THAT for creepy? 'Never Let You Go'? Like, vampires keeping human slaves?" Xander and his slight paranoia.

"I'm more interested in hearing 'She's a Killer,' meself," Spike cooed, nudging Dru.

"'Coming Back To Life' sounds like a zombie anthem, not vamps," Oz mused.

"Ooh, 'Dirty Dawg' could be werewolf reference," Faith teased.

"Well, hold on - this is big. This right here is evil. They did a new birthday song. I mean, what's wrong with the standard, classic, old-time Happy Birthday?"

"It costs ten grand every time you sing it," Spike pointed out. 

"Ouch," Cordelia replied.

After a half hour of research, they all agreed the New Kids weren't giving off vamp vibes. Still, never say never.

"''As Long As You Love Me'? The lyrics basically excuse anything - even, like, mass murder," Oz complained. "As long as she loves him, she could get away with anything?"

"What about that NSYNC song, 'For The Girl Who Has Everything'? Immortality's a hard gift to top." Faith was getting into this now.

Once all three bands' lyrics had been analyzed (shouldn't they get, like, class credit for that level of commitment?), it was time for a pizza break.

Faith's phone lit up. "Alright. All my boys came through for me. We've got tickets."

Xander squealed like a girl. "I mean, Cool."

Three shows. Three bands. Ten vampires.

The gang had a lot of work to do.


	4. Pop Goes The Evil

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Three bands. Three shows. Ten vamps. Eight Scoobies (well, sort of.. but Spike and Dru aren't.. anyways).

Backstreet Boys were up first. The gang had, like, totally raided the mall for their rockin' outfits. "Why do they call the store 'Forever 21'? Wouldn't it be better to be 'Forever 18'?," Buffy wondered aloud. She wondered whether she'd live to see 21, let alone stay that age forever. 

"Sounds kinda vampy, huh?," Willow said with a nervous laugh, fixing the strap of her trendy top for the zillionth time. It kept slipping out of place, and she was worried about a wardrobe malfunction. Looking around, she noticed girls' outfits ran the gamut from groady to glam; some girls looked like they'd just rolled out of bed and worn whatever, while others were dressed for a night at the club.

Oz and Xander had shopped, too - at a different store, of course. "I feel like we're going to an audition for .. for.." Oz's pants were so tight, it was cutting off blood-flow to his brain. 

"A boyband?," Xander teased.

Willow was enjoying the rear view. A few of her friends were praying that strap of hers would slip just a liiiiittle further out of place..

Spike was in full Spike mode; did they expect anything less of him? "I'm not gonna dress differently for some poncy pop stars," he opined. 

Dru, for her part, looked like a Victorian version of a dominatrix - more Bauhaus than boyband. Not that Buffy noticed. 

Buffy looked older than her years, her makeup done differently, her hair gathered in a messy up-do. Not that Faith noticed.

Faith and Cordelia were playing 'how much cleavage can I show without a nipple-slip', much to the delight of the others. Altogether, they looked pretty damn hot.

"I think you and Oz should put a little distance between you - unless you're gonna fly a rainbow banner during the ballads and change all the 'shes' to 'hes' in the lyrics," Cordelia said, eyeing the two of them as they hovered too close. Damn, those were tight pants.

"Spike has a criminally small ass, B. I don't know how you coped," Faith whispered to Buffy - only, being Faith, the whisper was loud enough for everyone to hear. 

"It's not small - it's muscular," Buffy and Spike said at the same time. Aw-kward.

"So, where are the tickets, Faith?," Dru wanted to know.

"We have to pick them up at the desk. Try to be discreet; I don't want to get mauled by a bunch of jelly BSB fans."

"Since when do you say 'jelly'?," Buffy inquired.

"Since when do YOU, uhh.. umm.. Damn it, B!" The sassy one was lost for words at all the flesh and hormonal desperation on display. Buffy looked so adorable, and so.. un-Buffy, it was throwing Faith for a loop. 

The tickets were there, just as promised. "Am I reading this right? Floor 2?," Xander asked, trying not to fan-girl. 

"As in, almost right in front of the stage? What the hell did you DO for these guys?," Cordelia wanted to know.

Faith just smiled. "Plausible deniability is a beautiful thing, Scoobs."

They made their way to their seats. "Do we even know which songs they'll be performing?," Oz asked.

"It doesn't matter. We're here for what happens AFTER the show. Focus." Buffy was fighting the butterflies, trying not to get excited. She hadn't been to many concerts; it was such a normal teenage thing to do, and she had so little time for normality in her calling.

The house lights went down, and the stage lights went up. They could feel the bass pumping through the speakers and into their veins. The opening act was forgettable and mercifully brief, and then the real show began.

"Look! They're so - "

"Xander, if you say 'pretty,' one more time, I'm buying you a 'Nick Girl' t-shirt," Buffy warned.

White outfits aside, the guys put on quite a show. Willow had boned up on most of the crowd favorites, so she felt fairly comfortable swaying and singing along, while the others just winged it.

Willow was out of her element, however, when the guys started a new song.

"This is off of our upcoming album, guys. Here, for the first time anywhere, our next hit, 'Our Love.' 

"Another soppy ballad, no doubt," Spike quipped. He'd been too busy with Dru for most of the show; Buffy wondered why he was taking an interest now. Not that she cared either way.

Xander had the strangest feeling that something important was about to happen. Then again, the strange feeling could've been linked to the fact that Oz was seriously disregarding the whole personal-space concept, along with Cordelia on his other side. He thought he felt a hand brush against his ass, and wasn't sure to whom he'd prefer it belong. 

*Our Love

We all look for approval  
In other peoples' eyes  
But what we have is special  
And can not be disguised  
Some people say it's shameful  
Some people call it wrong  
I won't deny it's painful,  
But it's our life, our song

This is our love, our love  
This is our love, our love  
Right or wrong, we sing our song  
This is our love*

Spike turned to Buffy to make another snide remark, but noticed her eyes glazing over. Glancing up and down the row, he noticed that not only the Scoobs, but the fans in general, seemed.. out of it. 

"Buffy, snap out of it." He shook her shoulder, but she seemed not to register his touch. "BUFFY! For fuck's sake!"

He shook her harder. She came to, blinking rapidly, not understanding why he was in her face.

"Wha? Huh?"

"We need to plug everyone's ears. This song; it's making everyone loopy. Look at them."

Buffy looked around, but she was falling back under the spell herself. Spike growled at Dru, telling her to tear off pieces of her black lace shawl. Once she'd finished, he stuffed the wadded-up material into Buffy's ears. She was still half gone, drifting away into an altered state.

"Shit! What can I do to bring her back to the present?"

Dru helped him place makeshift earplugs into the others' ears.

"Spikey, it's okay. I understand. Just this once, mind."

He nodded, dipping Buffy and laying a thick kiss on her lips. She started to kiss back, limp and compliant in his arms, but as she woke up, realizing what was happening, she began to fight him off.

Once she'd wrested herself free, he saw the fire in her eyes, and he smiled.

"Welcome back."

"What the -- ? And with Dru and everyone right here? Seriously?? You came within about two seconds of getting staked."

"You wouldn't stake me. Not after all we've been through."

"ESPECIALLY after all we've been through." Her eyebrows shot up on the 'been through,' and Spike laughed.

She started to mess with her ears, but Spike's hands stopped hers. "Leave them in. Not safe."

Her limited ability to read lips came in handy. Looking at her friends, she saw them swaying mindlessly as the song played on..

*Our bond will last forever   
We're in each other's skin   
No matter what we go through   
We find ourselves again   
I am you and you are me   
Our hearts now beat as one   
Our time will last eternally   
It can not be undone   
This is our love, our love   
This is our love, our love   
Right or wrong, we sing our song   
This is our love* 

The chorus repeated numerous times, yet the crowd didn't seem to tire of it. Soon, thousands of souls were singing along; it was eerie, devoid of true emotion. 

"We need to get out of here and make our way backstage. Ready?"

Buffy linked hands with Spike, who took a hand, and that person took a hand, and so on, forming a chain. Spike was heading the charge, with Dru bringing up the rear. As they wove through the crowd, Spike and Dru noticed that some of the fans seemed to be laughing, enjoying a joke at the others' expense; these fans were already turned, meaning the song had no effect on them.

"Oh, if I only had the time, I'd..," Spike muttered.

"What?," Buffy yelled, sound still muffled to her.

"Nothing, dear. Keep up."

Spike heard the music decrescendo, the crowd coming back to life in confused applause. Within moments, they seemed to have shaken off the sense of lost time, whooping and cheering like any concert fans. The Scoobies came out of their stupor, confused as to why they were all holding hands.

Buffy addressed them all. "We all got caught up in the emotion of that last song," she offered lamely, and they all shrugged and figured that would do for now.

"So, how does this work, exactly? I mean, are we gonna be.. you know.. groupies?" Xander had asked the question, and Willow blushed. Oz held Willow's hand a little tighter. Not possessively; protectively.

"That was such an awful bloody song," Spike moaned, shaking his head. "Even with an eternity to enjoy, that's a few minutes of my life I'll never get back."

"Don't worry, kids. I'm sure it won't come down to prostituting yourselves," Faith reassured them. "We only need to stay long enough to figure out if they're vamps or not. If they are, they're toast; if not, we'll make our excuses and leave."

"Aw, Faith, that's not like you - being a tease," Buffy jibed.

"Uh, excuse me - 'if' they're vamps? What d'you call 'mass hypnosis' if not highly suspect?"

"Those guards are awfully.. beefy," Willow remarked, hiding behind Oz and Xander.

"We'll take care of them. You lot are on your own for a few minutes. Don't screw this up." Spike said it in love - his own dark, twisted sort of love, anyway.

Buffy watched them for a minute. "Okay, they're distracted. Unlock the door."

"Uh, B? It IS unlocked." Trust Faith to point out Buffy's every mistake.

"Always try the door *before* getting out the lock-pick kit," Cordelia said, making a mental note.

Buffy felt a pang of conscience. If the guards were oblivious humans, she didn't want them to be hurt or killed. On the other hand, countless lives around the world were on the line; didn't the ends justify the means?

The dressing area was one long, continuous space. That could work for them - or against them.

"At least we're all in this together," Willow said, looking for a silver lining.

Now all they had to do was wait.


	5. Meet and Greet (Or Else)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet the Bands

Tensions were running high. Should they come up with a story as to why they were there?

"Um, should we say we got lost?," Willow wondered.

"YOU may be able to pull off the little-girl-lost thing, but what about the rest of us?," Faith retorted. "Besides, that outfit takes away some of your innocence."

"What a sexist thing to say," Xander replied, jaw dropping.

"You can't spell sexist without sex," Faith offered.

"Guys, come on. What if we say we won a contest or something?" Oz had a semi-decent idea, which Cordelia immediately crushed.

"Wouldn't the band KNOW about a contest?" She had a point.

"How 'bout we just stake 'em soon as they shut the door?" Spike wasn't kidding.

The knob turned, and six breathers and two vamps held their breath.

"Uh, hi," Nick said, leading the group. Four band brothers followed him into the room, sizing up the situation. "How'd you get past security? Where IS security?"

"They're on break," Spike smiled, wiping at the corner of his mouth. Dru snickered at their little joke. Buffy's stomach twisted.

"Oookaaay.. That still doesn't explain why you're all HERE."

Faith was in her element. "Why do fans usually sneak backstage to meet their favorite artists?" Buffy felt her stomach twisting again, for an entirely different reason. That voice; how did she DO that?

She definitely had Xander and Oz's attention, too. Willow was halfway there.

"I dig the little red head!," Nick enthused. Kevin smacked him on the back of the head.

"Show some respect, Charlie Brown."

Nick rubbed the sore spot, frowning. 

Willow knew she'd probably have to be the one to take him out. Like, great, her favorite thing to do: go to a show, hang with friends, kill Nick Carter.. No sweat.

Howie took in Oz, Xander and Spike. "Hey, AJ - they even brought along some friends for YOU to play with!"

Cordelia hissed, "I KNEW it!" under her breath. "You thought it was Howie," she crowed to Oz.

"Hey, can't be right all the time. I'm usually pretty good at figuring out who's gay or bi. Right, Willow?"

"Um, right." Shit.

Buffy lowered her voice. "Okay. Xander, you distract AJ. Willow, try to get Nick away from the rest of the group; we need to be as quiet as possible, so splitting up should make it quicker and easier. I'll try to get to Kevin; I have a feeling he's the leade - "

"Why can't *I* have Kevin?," Xander whined. 

"Seriously? Not helping the rumors." Faith rolled her eyes.

"What am I supposed to.. um.." Willow was out of her league here.

"Don't worry, Willow. As long as he doesn't kiss your neck, just let him take the lead." Faith was enjoying this too much.

The guys seemed to be discussing how to divvy up the spoils. Cordelia was going to approach Brian, and Dru volunteered to go for Howie.

"He's the one who played a you-know-what in that video, right?," Xander asked nobody in particular.

Dru and Faith stalked their targets. "This one already looks like..", Howie began thinking out loud. Brian elbowed him in the ribs, shutting him up.

Howie didn't waste any time in pulling his new friend to a corner couch. Spike found it strangely tolerable to see his woman submitting to the attentions of another. At least he didn't have to worry about her getting bitten. 

Willow was curled up in a chair with Nick, their bodies smooshed close together. "This is.. nice," she tried. 

Dru was cooing in the corner, Howie quickly abandoning her lips in favor of her neck. Her cry of anger and pain was all the cue Spike needed; he rushed toward the man, pulled a stake from within his boot, and dusted him before he could turn.

"Hey!" Nick, seeing the demise of his friend, began to growl at Willow, who pressed her back against the chair in fright. 

"Kick him, Willow!," Buffy urged. 

"Oh. Yeah. Right," she mumbled, drawing her legs up toward her body before shoving her right heel full-force into Nick's chest. The wooden heel didn't quite find its mark the first time, so she withdrew, plunging in again two inches to the left. Nick exploded into a cloud of dust, the blood drying up on her shoes in no time. "Neat," she said, feeling proud of herself.

AJ was still beating around the bush with Xander, fighting his own needs, but there was no time to explore their sexuality issues. "Nothing personal," Xander said, pulling out a vial of holy water and throwing it in AJ's face. Spike came up behind, his stake finding its target.

At the same instant, Cordelia had the stake wrested from her hand by a turned Brian. "Uh, little help?," she called out. Oz and Xander moved into harm's way, Xander getting in a good kick while Oz retrieved the stake. "Kevin must be the leader," Oz muttered, and all eyes turned to Buffy.

Buffy was in full slayer mode, using all of her kick-ass fighting skills - but Kevin's skills were well-matched with hers. Faith watched for a moment, not wanting to ruin Buffy's kill, but when it became apparent that this battle could take a while, it was time to intervene. "Get the fuck off her, you blood-sucking boy-bander!" A roundhouse kick put Kevin on the ground, Buffy leaning over him as he snarled and spit curses at her. 

"There are still five of us out there! This isn't over, Slayer!"

"It's final curtain for you. Take a bow," she said, dusting him. 

The room is silent except for heavy breathing. "We need to get out of here. NOW."

"What if somebody outside is expecting to see.. you know.. leftovers?" Willow points out.

All eyes turn to Spike and Dru. "Really, Scoobs? *sigh* I'm more than a pair of fangs, you know."

"Spike, just a little bit. We have to look like the victims here to buy time for the getaway."

"Please?" Faith was batting her lashes at him. She was almost as pretty as Buffy. Spike caved.

"Alright. I suppose we deserve a little snack after all that work. Line up, single file. Dru, don't get carried away and kill any of our friends."

Pretending to pout, she agreed to be careful.

Within a minute, six friends were sporting genuine bite-marks, just enough to keep anyone from suspecting anything. The remaining crew members saw the holes, snickering and nudging one another.

"What if some of them are..?"

"We don't have time. The next show is tomorrow night, and it's over nine hours' drive from here. Come on."

As the friends piled into their Myster- uh, minivan, Xander and Willow were huddled over her smartphone, giggling and whispering.

"Hey, if you're watching porn, make room for me," Faith quipped. 

"Nah. We're scanning the local news sites. Apparently the Backstreet Boys are going on an extended sabbatical - for health reasons."

Buffy shuddered. "Yeah, I'd say being murdered is a pretty significant health problem."

"But, who puts out that sort of info? I mean, are their managers - you know.. too?"

It didn't bear thinking about. "I have a feeling the next two shows are gonna bring up more questions than answers." Buffy's turn at the wheel was just beginning, but the fight had taken its toll on her.

"Let me know if you need me to take over, luv," Spike whispered, resting a cold hand on her shoulder. 

"Thanks. I will."

His concern touched her deeply in a place she normally kept locked and buried. 

Yep. This mission was definitely bringing up more questions than answers.


	6. Supergroup Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An unexpected turn of events: NSYNC and NKOTB collaborate for one super-show. No official explanation is released to the press, but the Scoobs have a hunch it's in reaction to the BSB 'hiatus'.

"What does this mean?"

After a few hours of sleep and a stop at a local parish church to siphon more holy water, the group were ready for the next show.

"Everyone got their stakes?"

"Nice and pointy," Willow answered.

"Pine fresh," added Xander.

The things I do to keep people safe, Buffy thought to herself.

"How do you think *I* feel? I mean, this isn't how I'd have planned to spend my li - er, non-life." Spike said it with a snarl, but there was nothing behind it. He loved tagging along, and they both knew it.

"Hey, quit reading my mind," Buffy said in mock annoyance. "You might not like some of the stuff that's in there."

They exchanged a smirk, prompting Faith to sigh and roll her eyes. "Get a COFFIN already!"

Oz and Xander were running a bet on how long it would be before Spike and Buffy hooked up again. Poor Drusilla. Well, not really, but..

Faith and Cordelia had a bet going on how long it would be before Oz and Xander a) made out, or b) fought over Willow. Like, physically fighting. Y'know, pulling hair, scratching at each other, maybe a wicked knuckle sandwich or two. Because tension.

"Oooh, what if the THREE of them all - "

"Whoa, Faith. Too much," Cordelia protested.

"Not enough. Never enough." Faith was enjoying this road trip, being part of a fudged-up sort of family. Part of her felt she was getting too old for the bad-ass loner chick thing. Not that she'd ever admit it.

Getting back to the issue at hand, Buffy answered Willow's question. "It means, sweetie, that both groups will be performing tonight. I don't understand the logistics of it, but I'm thinking they'll be taking turns. This is gonna be one long show."

"Double trouble," Spike quipped.

"Twice the man-meat," Faith enthused. "Ooh! Ooh! Maybe the two camps of the fans will get into an epic fight! The Blockheads versus.. What do they even *call* NSYNC fans, anyway?"

"Lame?," Oz guessed.

"Dateless?," Xander joined in.

"Virgins?," Dru snickered.

"Aw, be nice, luv." Spike didn't really mean it.

Faith was in the middle of coming up with a snappy put-down, when Buffy froze. The rest of the gang crashed into the backs of one another. Not that some of them minded.

"Whoa. Look," she ordered, and they did.

There was a giant inflatable chamber filled with swirling pieces of paper. A woman was inside, clutching at the white strips as they swirled like flakes in a snow-globe. Once she'd chosen one, she was ushered out, and the next girl went in. The gang watched this process repeated a few times, then got in line. The emcee was wishing each fan good luck as they tried to win a free upgrade to meet and greet. 

"Okay. Willow, I know you have high moral standards, and at any other time I appreciate that - but we need some magic here."

"Me? You want me to - cheat?"

Seven sets of eyes trained on the ginger one. "Do you want us to have to 'deal with' the security team again?," Spike queried. 

Willow's face was crestfallen. "No. I don't like icky things, like, um, murder. I.. guess winning the tickets would be better."

"Waaay less icky," Oz pointed out.

Willow gulped. "Okay. I need.. um, a few minutes. To.. prepare.."

"Dru, go with her. Splitting up is risky."

"What? They do it all the times in horror movies, and that always works out fi - oh wait," Xander joked.

Looking at Dru, Buffy had another thought. "Cord, follow Dru. Keep her in line while she keeps Willow safe."

"Sure thing, B."

Now another friend was calling her that? Was it, like, a thing now?

Wait. Did she just consider Cordelia AND Faith 'friends'? All the boy-band mush was getting to her.

"What happens if the hoodoo doesn't work, Blondie?" Spike, sans Dru, was in her personal space.

"Then we rely on the tried and true methods. You hungry?"

"When am I not?"

Buffy shivered. Damn memories. Damn that sexy voice.

Willow returned, a huffy Dru and smiling Cordelia in tow. "Okay. Hocus pocus time."

"I wish you wouldn't call it that. It's a serious calling, a way of life, a deeply-held set of - "

"Willow, there's no time. Please just do your thing." Buffy had a way of talking her down without crushing her gentle spirit, and the others were grateful for it.

"So, we should all still go in, just to make it seem normal. Right?" Oz again.

"There is nothing normal about us trying to win tickets to meet NSYNC," Xander laughed.

"I think Justin's the gay one. What say you, B?"

She thought for a moment. "Nah. JC. Definitely."

Oz scoffed. "Totally Chris. How could you not pick up on it?"

"I think it's Lance," Spike said.

Several Scoobs chorused: "No way!"

He just grinned in a way that said 'Wait and see.' 

Buffy was first up, followed by Oz, then Xander.

"Any time now, Willow," Buffy prayed as one by one they drew losing strips.

Cordelia's was a dud, too. Willow hung back, concentrating. Dru failed, too.

Faith cheated, grabbing more than one, but none of them were winners anyway.

Willow left the chamber without a winner.

Spike, however, got the magic piece of paper. "I bloody won!," he crowed, then, remembering himself, he sobered. "I mean, er, cool."

It was too late; he'd already betrayed his excitement. Now he'd never hear the end of it. 

"Smooth, Spike. Why don't you go rub it in some little pre-teen's face?," Faith jibed.

"Why don't YOU go 'rub it' in - "

"Whoa! Children, children!" Since when was Buffy honorary Giles here?

"So, like, we don't have to hurt anyone now?"

"Not til we get backstage, Willow." Oz squeezed her hand.

Oh yeah. That.

Time for the show.


	7. Fifty-Fifty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The show... and the after-party to end all after-parties.

NSYNC opened the show, which annoyed Willow for reasons she wasn't ready to examine. Their research had led each member of the gang to have their favorites (and least-favorites) - both as groups and as individuals. Willow was leaning preeeetty heavily towards New Kids, especially the Knight brothers. Buffy was tight-lipped about her favorites, but the fact that she hadn't exactly mourned the loss of BSB spoke volumes.

Dru had thought Kevin was quite fetching. "You WOULD like the leader of the nest," Spike teased her. 

"I'm more of a Jonas brothers kinda girl," Xander confessed, looking mortified. "Well, THAT was weird. I wonder what made me say that?"

"You're worried about the fact that you SAID it? I'd be embarrassed just to THINK it," Oz smarted off, nudging Xan hard. 

"Totally gonna make out any time now," Cordelia whispered to Faith. "Just get 'em in a dark room, tell Xander to think of the Jonas brothers and - "

"Which one, though? Which one's his favorite?" Faith was trying to think things through.

"I dunno. Does it matter? It'll be dark, and they'll be desperate."

Willow was okay with fifth row, despite being on the short side. Spike, however, was annoyed. 

"If they don't lower that fucking fan banner, so help me.."

"Easy, tiger," Buffy soothed, giving his wrist a reassuring squeeze. Dru just shook her head. One of these days, she'd swing B to the 'dark side' - and she didn't mean the bloodsucking side - and the three of them would - 

Buffy was glad people stayed on their feet at concerts, because for whatever reason, her seat had been increasingly damp while waiting for the opening number. She swore Spike could smell it, which wasn't helping her focus. 

Xander and Oz had ended up side by side yet again, with Willow on Oz's other side. Cord and Faith were on the aisle side of the row, while Buffy, Spike and Dru were in the inner-most seats of the row. At first, the touch didn't register, but, after the third brush against her back, B decided to confront Spike.

"Listen, this hot-and-cold thing is not okay, especially with Dru right there between us."

Spike stared at Buffy in utter bafflement. "Excuse me?"

She looked at Dru, eyes narrowed. "Don't look at me!"

If it wasn't either of them, who was it?

The girl behind Buffy was smiling, and, when confronted with that angry, pouty face, gave a wink. 

Awk. Ward.

"Sorry," the Slayer muttered by way of apology.

"Want me to handle 'er?"

"No, Spike. Just.. It needs to stop." She didn't need any more complications; the eight of them sharing such close quarters was already making things tense enough.

Buffy didn't want to admit that she was disappointed that neither vamp had been responsible for the caresses. Hmm.

Willow was holding hands with Oz by the time NSYNC *finally* finished an extended remix of 'No Strings Attached' and let the New Kids take over. So far, nothing about the appearance or behavior of either band had tipped them off, though the night was young.

"Look, ohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh they're looking at us!" It was true; her red hair had its advantages, and being spotted in the crowd was definitely one of them. Then again, her itty-bitty top didn't hurt, either.

Buffy smiled, actually enjoying herself for a minute. She hadn't done as much research as the others, not wanting to get too attached to somebody she might have to stake, so the newer songs were, well, still new to her. "Not bad for a group of people in Giles' age bracket," she conceded. Joey was just as dreamy in person as he'd been in the photos, and he was in phenomenal shape. 

"He's married, B. The only one who isn't is Danny." Faith was eyeing the bronzed fitness god with obvious interest. "He's built like a tree. I like climbing trees."

"Even Willow trees?" Xander was gratified when both ladies blushed, though Willow did pinch him on the arm and tell him to shush.

Hey, contact is contact, right?

Cordelia was partial to Donnie. "He's so.. so.." He defied description.

Spike could smell Jordan, and confided that tidbit to Faith. "What's his scent like?," she wanted to know, her voice a purr.

"It's a mixture of sex and cupcakes," he replied, looking at her a little too long. Something weird was going on.

The pattern emerged: NSYNC, NKOTB, NSYNC, and so on. As the evening wound down, Buffy noticed her friends acting friskier by the minute.

"Um, Spike? Any idea what's happening to the rest of them?"

They were getting pretty touchy-feely, and not just in the usual combinations she' come to expect. Willow had a hand in Oz's back pocket, AND one on the small of Cordelia's back. Faith had a hand in Cord's hair, petting her. Definitely not normal behavior.

"Either these bands are better than the last one at turning people on, or something untoward is goin' on."

"Let's go with the latter."

Looking around, other fans were starting to grind on each other, make out, even undress. "Spike.."

"I'm on it." He was almost reluctant to plug her ears, half hoping she'd get a little improper before he blocked the music's effects.

Dru resented having her already-ripped shawl shredded yet again, but acquiesced with a sigh. The problem was, the earplugs weren't working.

The crowd continued to get freaky, including the Scoobs. Oz and Willow were making out pretty hard, and Xander was right there.. pressing up against Oz. Huh.

Buffy was fighting the urge to grab Spike and lay one on him. "It's not the music," she said, noting how breathless she sounded.

"What the hell is it then?" Spike was getting a little wild, looking around, trying to make sense of things.

"I guess after the last disaster, they switched tactics. Try.. try covering their eyes."

She kept her eyes shut tight, but the feeling intensified. Spike's hands tried to cover Cordelia's eyes as she shoved her tongue down Faith's throat, but it didn't seem to have the desired effect. It did, however have an unexpected effect on Spike, being that close to their mouths.. He shook it off.

"It must be airborne," Spike guessed, and Buffy tried holding her breath. The feeling died down for a moment - until she started breathing again.

Dru clapped her hands. "Pheromones! How clever!"

Buffy knew women tended to ovulate during or immediately after going to a rock or pop show with male artists, but this was ridiculous. "Spike.. We need to get out of here."

The New Kids' confusion seemed genuine enough, but it wasn't conclusive evidence. As NSYNC came back onstage, they found their audience was largely preoccupied. Lance seemed to think it was funny, an epic Punk'd-style prank, but the other guys seemed bewildered. They turned up the house lights; no change. The guys continued to perform, and security just stood by and watched it all unfold. Since none of the fans were getting violent or rushing the stage, they didn't know what, if anything, they should do.

"If we don't leave now I'm gonna.." Buffy felt sick to her stomach, her body weary of fighting her urges. 

"The force is strong with this one," Spike said admiringly. She shot him a look, and he shrugged. "I like Star Wars, alright?"

"Please," she said, trying to take a breath and hold it. He nodded, leading her out. Dru made her way past the writhing bodies to the opposite end of the row, shepherding the gang to the lobby.

When everyone was out of the performance space, they started to come to, several of them touching fingers to lips and wondering why they were tingling.

"Is it over already?," Willow wanted to know.

"Not exactly," Buffy said as she caught her breath. 

"So, do I even wanna know why I'm so.. uh.." Xander found himself feeling rather modest.

"No." Buffy left that as a complete sentence.

Cord wanted to know, "Why does my mouth taste like cherries and menthol?"

Buffy gave her a look. "Don't ask."

Spike told them all that they were going to hang out in the lobby area until it was time to go backstage at the end of the show. Buffy felt the throbbing ache between her legs, and Spike gave her a knowing look, saying nothing.

"If you wanna go rub one out, I can babysit," he offered.

"Go and - what?? How DARE you?"

"Come on. We all do it - even the undead."

He loved seeing her blush. She looked so.. alive.

As the fans started filing out, getting re-dressed and talking excitedly as they wondered what the hell had just happened, the Scoobs made their way to the designated VIP area.

The odds of any given man being a vamp were fifty-fifty.

So were the odds of any given pairing happening among the friends. Subconscious or not, feelings had bubbled over, and there would be no putting the genie back in the bottle.


	8. Til The Fat Lady Sings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Behind The Music

"We need to focus. This is dangerous; we're gonna be outnumbered."

"Technically, yes - though, only half of them are vamps." Damn Spike's logic.

"Right, but the others may not appreciate us, you know, murdering their costars," Willow pointed out.

"They'll thank us later," Faith said, confident in her righteousness.

The minutes ticked by. 

"Are they all, like, taking a group shower, or what?," Cord joked.

"Probably," Oz deadpanned. Willow wished she could hide in a sweater, but she hadn't brought one to the venue. The Knight brothers soaking wet and NAKED was making her..

The gang had to huddle up, whispering about who was going for which guy. Spike was elected to go for Lance, since he was SO sure Lance was gay. Willow was assigned Joey; Buffy called dibs on *the other* Joey, prompting several eye-rolls. Dru got JC, Oz got Jon (prompting a jealous whimper from Willow), Xander got Jordan (which he seemed oddly excited about), Cord got Danny, and Faith would take Justin. 

"There's nobody for Donnie or Chris," Dru pointed out.

"Well, we'll just have to wing it. If either of them turns, whoever's closest has to strike."

The double doors swung open, NSYNC walking through in band formation. For reals?

"Here we go," Buffy breathed.

"Where are the New Kids?" Xander didn't manage to hide the panic in his voice.

"They'll be here eventually. Ever heard of 'Donnie time'?," Justin teased.

"God, but he's cocky. He's so.. so.. I bet I could wipe that smile off his face," Faith mumbled. "He used to be my hate-crush, you know," she confided to B.

"'Hate-crush'?"

"Yeah. Somebody you'd wanna get allll worked up, then walk away. Hate-crush."

Buffy shook her head, pasting on her best fan-girl smile for NSYNC. 

"Cool. So, if they're gonna be a while, we can chill, get to know each other better.." Buffy felt so cheap, using her feminine wiles to get in their personal space.

Lance had made a bee-line for Spike, throwing him off his game for a second. Candy from a baby, he thought to himself. "Hi."

"Hi yourself," Spike oozed.

"I like your hair." Lance touched Spike's platinum 'do. 

"Likewise."

"So, have you ever heard of a confidentiality agreement?"

"Never in a month of Sundays. Where do I sign?," the older teased. Lance broke into a relieved grin. 

"Thing is, Spike, I'm into something a little.. unusual. Are you open-minded?"

Spike smiled back, careful to conceal his fangs. "You have no idea."

Meanwhile, Willow had caught JC's eye, and was currently trying to make small-talk as he played with her hair.

Faith was on a roll with Justin, currently giving him a lap-dance on a corner chair. "You remind me of somebody," he said, and she giggled, throwing her head back and exposing her neck. Buffy noticed his interest in that part of her, and she became acutely aware of the vial of holy water digging into her hip beneath her clothes. 

B's second-choice Joey seemed to take a shine to her. Cordelia and Dru each approached Chris, shrugging, figuring two heads were better than one.

As Spike read over the c.a forms, he had his answer. "Buffy, do you happen to have any protection I could borrow?"

"Go!" At their leader's command, the gang sprang into action. Buffy staked Joey, cringing at the awful howl he made as she dusted him.

Chris lunged for Cord, but Dru was faster, kicking him against the wall while her partner slid her stake from her boot. It left a scuff on the wall where vampire Chris had been.

JC snarled at Willow, and she managed to fit the vacuum-sealed bag of holy water between his fangs and her neck. As he punctured the bag, his mouth began to steam and boil, Buffy coming up behind to finish the job with her trusty tool.

Spike was locked in battle with Lance, a blur of blonde spikes and fangs. "Little help," Spike said.

"Kinda busy right now," Faith replied, chasing after a fleeing Justin. Cord and Dru opted to follow. 

"One of them must be the leader," Willow gasped. Xander and Oz formed a barrier, blocking Willow from attack. Each of them had grabbed a hand, and she had a fleeting thought of how right that felt.

Lance was well-fed compared to Spike, and had energy to burn. Buffy had to choose who to help first, opting for Spike, hoping it wasn't a case of her heart ruling her head.

Lance felt a kick crunching into his back as Spike battled for control. "You've sucked your last fan, mate," he threatened.

"I don't think so, limey!"

"Nobody says 'limey' anymore, you Yank half-wit!"

The New Kids, freshly showered and changed, entered the room. "Whoa! What the -- "

"Get 'em out of here!," Buffy panted. Willow, Oz and Xander shoved the guys out the door. 

"What is goin' on in there?," Donnie demanded.

"Um, I'll tell you when it's over?," Willow said, unsure of herself.

They could hear a horrible, roaring scream, followed by a bursting sound. "One left," Buffy said.

"Right. Where's Faith?" Spike couldn't sense her location. There was only one way in or out that he could see. Buffy started tapping the walls, trying to find a hollow spot, a hidden exit. 

"We've gotta find her. Should we split up?"

"Thought we already had," Spike quipped.

"SO not the time," she snapped.

"I don't want to let you out of my sight. We obviously underestimated - "

"You go left, I'll go right," Buffy decided. "We need to find Dru and Cord, too." Spike nodded. 

Donnie had had enough. "I'm not going to stand out here all night. I'm comin' in!"

The doors swung open, finding a room in disarray, piles of dust everywhere, but no NSYNC.

Oz, Xander and Willow settled on the broken couches and chairs, the New Kids doing the same. 

"So.. NSYNC was a nest of vampires," Xander offered, jumping in at the deep end.

"And so were BSB," Oz added.

"Vampires?"

"Yeah. Didn't you notice them, you know, not eating food, their weird, secretive vibes.."

"The fact that every female fan was acting like a cat in heat during the show..?" Willow blushed as she said it.

"Not JUST the females," Oz said, remembering. 

The New Kids agreed it was odd behavior, but they chalked it up to NSYNC. I mean, it's not like any of them had ever been to one of their shows before; how did THEY know that wasn't typical?

Five heads exchanged worried glances with one another. "They were kinda different. I mean, who goes on tour with their own coffee tables?," Jordan asked.

"Uh, coffee tables?" Xander noticed the five identical wooden behemoths forming a line down the center of the long room.

"Oh, man. Really?" Oz face-palmed.

Willow lifted the tablecloth from one of the 'tables,' revealing hinges. She hefted a stake into her free hand, cautiously opening the lid with the other.

The inside of the coffin was lined with fan letters, Polaroids of prior victims, and scribbled autographs from various fans.

"Some of them knew?" She was horrified. 

"Maybe they were coerced to sign. Before.."

Tears sprang to her eyes at Oz's words. The New Kids just stared. One by one, they made their way to the other tables, flinging them open.

"This is fucking unreal," Jon muttered over and over. "Lance kept trying to get me alone; now I have to wonder if it's 'cuz he wanted ME, or wanted my.." Jon couldn't finish that thought.

"You'll be safe now. With the leaders destroyed, the fledglings, if there are any, will be weak. We'll find them." Xander rested a hand on Jon's back.

Meanwhile...

The chase had made two laps of the venue before heading out to the parking garage. It was dusk, and without vampire sight, Buffy, Cord and Faith would be at a disadvantage in the dark.

Spike had found Dru, and they ran into each other on a lower level of the parking garage. 

"Do you think he ran back to the tour bus?"

"Not without the others, and not without his coffin."

"Coffin?"

"Buffy, the 'coff'ee tables in the room? SO obvious." Spike frowned, though there wasn't anything malicious behind it.

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"I wasn't sure which band members they belonged to, and besides, I didn't want to tip any of them off that we knew."

Buffy found herself wishing Giles was there. He would've noticed. Why didn't she? Why didn't Faith?

"Faith!" Dru called out, spotting the brunette in hot pursuit of the last vamp.

Justin couldn't fly, but he could jump impressively, out-maneuvering his pursuer. Buffy could tell Faith was getting tired. "We need to get him back inside, to corner him - "

"No. This is better; he's unfamiliar with the layout."

"So are we, Spike."

"Just.. Trust me."

They couldn't leave until they'd destroyed him. The other band and countless fans were in danger.

"It ain't over til the fat lady sings," Spike said. Buffy wouldn't figure out until later what he'd meant by that.


	9. Ain't No Party Like An Undead Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Justin must be stopped.
> 
> Eminem wasn't far off when he rapped about boy-bands trying to take over the world..
> 
> THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS AN ATTEMPTED SEXUAL ASSAULT. The assault is thwarted, but you have been warned.

She could hear him in her mind, taunting her. Buffy wanted to finish the cocky bastard personally.

*You'll never stop it. There are too many of us; so many willing fans have joined the revolution..*

"WHAT revolution?" Buffy realized she'd spoken aloud, the others looking at her strangely. "Telepathy from JT."

They shrugged it off.

*Forget it, Slayer. The others were weak; careless. I'm smarter than them. It's why I've been able to become so strong so fast.*

Buffy tried to focus on the direction the thoughts were coming from, rather than their content. Where WAS he? They were clear of the venue and its parking lot, headed towards..

"What the bloody 'ell is THAT?" Spike pointed at something several yards away.

"A carnival?" Cord frowned. The aromas of popcorn, funnel cakes and cotton candy assaulted their senses. Rides were sitting idle, waiting for sundown before groaning to life. In the middle of the field was a stage; Spike could smell the pyrotechnics being prepped. 

"This way. I KNOW it." Buffy couldn't allow vampire Justin to lie in wait at a carnival; all those kids... 

Faith spotted a blur of dirty blonde ducking into the fun house. "In there. Come on!"

It was dark, the only light available coming through the chinks in the walls and ceiling and the legally-required emergency lights. "How will we find him in here?"

Faith was about to flick her lighter, but Spike stopped her. "Sprinkler system," he warned, looking up.

"Okay. You'll just have to be our night-vision," she conceded. 

Buffy could see him in her mind's eye; he was everywhere at once, manipulating mirrors, tightening and loosening valves to release gusts of hot air, setting the creaky bridges and wobbly platforms into motion. He was enjoying this.

"Like some bargain-basement Joker wannabe," Spike muttered.

"How many villain tropes can one vamp hijack?," Cord wondered. "I mean, a fun house? REALLY?"

"If he can't suck our necks, I guess he's content to watch us break them," Buffy said, feeling the floor beneath her feet begin to pitch.

The mechanisms sprang to life, the cartoonish music starting up and making conversation almost impossible.

This wasn't going well.

Buffy could hear the voices of the others as they approached. She tried shouting at them to stay out, but the music had started, loud, calliope tunes interspersed with percussive hisses, bangs and booms created by the funhouse mechanisms.

The funhouse was getting crowded; Buffy could sense more people coming in. "Tell me the New Kids didn't follow us," B yelled to Spike.

Spike shrugged. "Pop stars aren't prized for their intellect," he thought, and Buffy heard it.

She was seriously going to need to get better at her psychic bubble exercises; this whole 'vamp guys making her hear their thoughts' thing was NOT okay.

Buffy made her way across the rickety catwalk, cursing herself for wearing heeled boots. The funhouse was beginning to smell like.. burning.

"Spike?"

Pandemonium descended; B heard screams coming from every direction, seeming like it originated *behind* the walls. Was that possible?

A particularly high-pitched shriek, followed by a string of cuss-words, was audible over the cacophony. Had one of the gang taken out Justin?

"No such luck," came the taunting reply inside her head. "Try again, Slayer."

The walls moved in and out, coming dangerously close to crushing the walkway; Spike wondered if Justin had manipulated the controls. That didn't seem normal, even for a funhouse.

The next room was full of mirrors and pyro effects. They weren't real flames - right? So why were they so hot?

"Spike! Get the others OUT of here! He's gonna burn the place down!" Buffy coughed into her hand, hitting the floor as she inched forward, seeking out cleaner air.

"I'm on it!," came the reply. 

The music warped, then screeched to a stop. All that was left were the sound of Buffy's friends leaving the funhouse, and the gears and whistles of the attraction still going - only faster.

"Keep them safe, Spike," she whispered, praying he'd hear her somehow.

"Alright, Timber-stake, it's just you and me! Come on out and fight like the man you used to be!" Buffy had used a lot of air; she needed to conserve it.

The sprinkler system kicked in, drenching every surface and further obscuring visibility. She had to avoid anything moving, in case she got an electric shock - or worse.

Justin had no such fears. "Can't kill the dead," he teased.

"Wanna bet?," she retorted in her mind.

Pulling her soaked form through an open doorway, Buffy noticed the entire building seemed to be shaking. Was he going to destroy the whole structure, entombing them inside?

The smoke was denser, mixing with steam from the scorched objects as the flames were partially extinguished. The smells of fried circuit boards and melting wires made her eyes water and her chest burn.

A hand, ice-cold, reached down, offering to help her up. Buffy smacked it away.

"Go to fucking hell!," Buffy's mind spat as she pulled herself to standing.

"You first," Justin laughed. "And I preferred it when your thoughts rhymed."

"Tough shit." Buffy swung blindly, but Justin moved out of the way. Her fist met metal; where had that wall come from? Buffy stifled her cry of pain.

Justin was everywhere at once, laughter mocking her as it bounced off of every surface. The ceiling seemed to be getting lower, and the walls weren't expanding as much as they had been. With each inward press, they were retracting less and less.

"Squashing me like a bug won't help you. The others will track you down, Justin." Above her, the roof panels groaned, pushed together like tectonic plates and peeling out of shape. Sparks flew as the lid was prised from the giant tin can.

Light spilled into the space, and Buffy had to re-orient herself. Flashes of white as Justin moved, too fast to pin down. How was she going to do this?

"I think you dropped something," Justin said sadly, and she heard the 'thunk' of wood as Mr. Pointy hit the floor. How had that happened?

As she stooped down to retrieve it, Justin swooped in, knocking her onto her front. A swift nut-check dazed him for a second, long enough for B to flip herself over and regain her stance. 

"Why'd you do it, Justin? What started this mess?"

Justin cocked his head to one side. "Is this like the movies, where you get me to explain my evil plan before one of us dies?" With the roof open, most of the smoke was escaping, making her vision - and her breathing - easier.

"I just want to know. Why?"

Justin considered answering. "Because I could. Because I can do anything, be anyone. I can make people love me, fear me, serve me.. Don't you want that power?"

She shook her head no.

"So you don't want to control the others, make them do your bidding? You wouldn't want them at your beck and call, doing whatever your black little heart desired?"

His voice was seductive. Buffy tried to remember him as he'd once been: the dorky little twerp with a blonde Jafro, not this toned, crop-haired Adonis. That voice, though..

"I could do so much worse than kill you. I could make you worship me, B. I could make you my new Britney."

Buffy's gut roiled. "Is that what this is about? All these years later, are you STILL angry over that?"

"She hurt me. I knew then; I knew I had to find a way to make women pay."

Buffy blanched. "Not all girls are like her. That's not fair."

A familiar smell was beginning to fill the air around her. Something from the concert..

"Is that why you used male pheromones - because you only want to hurt the women?"

Justin snorted in contempt. They'd been circling for what felt like hours, and neither one had made a move. Buffy felt dizzy.

"There seem to be quite a few men who find the scent alluring, too. But, yeah, my real target.."

Here he managed to breach her space, one hand gripping her wrist, the other fisting in her hair, mussing up her 'do. "Are the women. Especially toned, pretty blondes. Like you."

Buffy felt herself going weak. His voice swayed her, and those eyes flashed with something unknown, something she wanted. "You mean, like HER."

She should've struck already. Should've had him dusted and done. Why had she hesitated?

"Because you're just like the others. You want what I have to offer."

Buffy's lips parted, mutely. The gears squawked and groaned, the walls so close now. Time was running out. 

She was going to die. Damn her hormones. 

Justin's lips ghosted her own, his breath catching on a hitch as she leaned in. The kiss wasn't a kiss - it was a test. Buffy had not recoiled. As he squeezed her wrist, the stake fell to the floor once more, and he kicked it aside, out of her reach.

"No. Not my mouth. That isn't for you." Justin's hand unwound from her hair, sliding to his hip, resting on his waistband. "Only one part of me is for you. Then I'll tuck you in and be on my way."

Buffy was weak, so weak; there was nothing to distract her from his voice, or from the aroma of him. She was doomed.

Then she heard it - the miracle.


	10. ..And It's Gonna Be Better Than Sex

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donnie.
> 
> Because Donnie.

The bass started, followed by what sounded like whispering.

Whispering?

What were the words saying?

"It's the BackRub, baby it's the BackRub. It's the BackRub witcha man DDub.."

Justin froze, annoyance contorting his features. "The fuck is THIS?"

The whispers repeated, followed by a woefully cheesy theme song in which credibility was sacrificed on the altar of the almighty rhyme.

Justin covered his ears. "No! Enough! Make it STOP!"

The music got louder, the speakers vibrating and distorting under the strain. Buffy could no longer hear Justin's voice; he tried to penetrate her mind, but she was lulled into a stupor by another voice, one which hinted at age and experience..

Justin whirled around, seeking out the source of the interruption. Buffy began to smell something else, something stronger than the pheromones - though not altogether pleasant.

"Is that.. weed?" Buffy felt herself reacting to it; it must've been the good stuff. 

The vents began to emit a bluish haze, and Buffy wanted Taco Bell in the worst way.. but she was no longer under Justin's spell. Buffy hated to admit it, but, Donnie's 'speaking voice' got to her. Yeah. 

A lone figure crouched at the edge of the roof's opening, and Buffy had no time to react before the form had launched itself into the air, landing in a b-boy stance just behind her.

"Ow," said Joey, shaking it off; that had NOT been good for his ankles.

The Mac slid into action, grabbing the stake and tossing it to Buffy. 

Justin was howling, turned now, furious. "MAKE IT STOOOOP!"

"The fat lady's about to sing, JT," she said, lunging forward. On cue, an old-school jam by a rather large female vocalist took over from Donnie's attempts at PG pillow-talk, the song largely masking Justin's wails as he absorbed the business end of the stake. 

Joey, for his part, watched in horrified fascination as his one-time rival for Britney's affections (in his own mind, anyway) became a dust cloud.

"Wowzers."

Buffy turned to him, eyes shining with adoration and stoner-lust. "I knew you were my favorite for a reason," she gushed.

"Aww. Thanks, Buffster. But, uh, I think we should leave, like, now-ish."

Joey watched as the walls began to squeeze in again, the floor finally cracking under the weight. Buffy grabbed his hand, and they made a mad dash for the nearest exit, hoping it was a real one and not a gag.

Outside in the falling darkness, Buffy took in everything that had just happened. Man, she was piiiissed. And sexually frustrated. And she really, REALLY wanted those tacos.

"Joey.. You.. You were amazing. Thank you." 

Spike interrupted. "Oh, I see how it is. If I save you, you invoke demons to drag me from your presence; if HE saves you.."

Spike cut himself off. There was no menace in it.

"And Donnie.. thank you. For.. being Donnie." Buffy gave him her best smile.

"Sure. It was Xander's idea to play the BackRub. I'm just glad it worked."

All eyes shot to Xander. "What? C'mon! I liked the guy in 'Band of Brothers,' and when I found out he did a radio show, I.."

Cordelia sighed. "There is no heterosexual way to finish that sentence, Xan."

Oz's face matched his hair. "Is there a heterosexual way to end this episode? I mean, adventure?"

They all considered this for a moment. "Not really."

"No."

"Not that I can think of."

Donnie pulled everyone in for a group hug. "Spread love and love will spread!," he enthused, and, somehow, coming from him, it wasn't lame. Didn't resolve all the bisexual/polyamorous sexual tension, buuut...

Jordan, still in shock, chimed in. "Ever think about side-lining in the security business?"

Jon seconded the notion. "Yeah. I mean, it's not every day we find people willing to kill ten of our would-be assailants."

Danny shot Jon a look of warning, and Jon clammed up. Danny smiled, though.

"Thanks, guys. But I think this is a one-off. Giles said every ten generations or so, a Slayer will be called to fight this type of battle. I'm just glad it's over, and that we're all in one - "

Oz tried to stop her, making the 'cut' signal, while Faith furiously waved her hands in the universal 'stop' motion. The BackRub CD skipped, then stopped, the car radio switching to a news bulletin. 

"Following the bizarre disappearance of both the Backstreet Boys AND NSYNC, hundreds of teenaged fans were seen chasing Justin Bieber's tour bus out of town, wreaking havoc on commuters as they pursued him across state lines with no sign of slowing down. The fans have not responded to icy water hose-downs, tear gas, or bullhorn commands from law enforcement. We'll have more as the story unfolds."

"Oops," said Buffy.

The New Kids exchanged looks, seeming to reach a silent consensus. "You guys need a bus?," asked Donnie.

"Or several buses?," Danny offered.

Buffy sighed. Her and her big mouth. "That would be amazing."

"Blockheads for Life! I mean, uh, thanks," said Willow, blushing again. Jon handed her a sweater in which to hide.

Joey offered Buffy his hand, and several Scoobs fought back a pang of jealousy at the way her eyes went all melt-y. "Thanks. Just, one thing before we go kick more supernatural ass."

Joey smiled indulgently. "What's that?"

"Can we hit the drive-thru for some tacos? I'm completely serious," Buffy said. Yep. Definitely the good stuff.

Spike shot Donnie a look. "That's YOUR fault," he chided, chuckling.

Donnie shrugged. "Yeah, well. She's alive. Stoned, but alive."

Faith fished out a CD to listen to on the way; the gang had research to do. "I think this one's fitting," she grinned, making herself at home as she hit play.

Everyone groaned, but left it alone, Faith lip-synching for comedic effect:

"As long as you love me...."


End file.
